


This Is the Beat of My Heart

by stardustedknuckles



Series: Beauyasha College AU [9]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Biting, College AU, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Napping, References to past trauma, Self-Indulgent, aspec yasha, but it's all soft, just an excuse for maximum cozy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:35:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29168922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustedknuckles/pseuds/stardustedknuckles
Summary: Two months since Beau accepted that this is her home, if she wants it. Yasha wants nothing more than for her to feel safe here with her, and it's a long and worthwhile journey that comes with so much in the way of reward along the way. Sex, sure. But also naps. And bad Economics puns. The good life, basically.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: Beauyasha College AU [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024825
Comments: 16
Kudos: 137





	This Is the Beat of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Pure self-indulgence. Settle in and get cozy.

Yasha pushed open the door to the apartment and leaned on the door frame for a moment, taking a deep breath of the familiar air and pale winter sunlight pouring into the kitchen. She loved her major, truly, but having the only time slot for this class she needed be at eight thirty in the morning drove her just a little crazy - especially in the winter, when her brain already seemed to have some trouble keeping to its regular habits.

So she'd decided to skip her second class to come home instead, spend some time resting before Beau got back from her ten o' clock class and maybe, if she played her cards right, convince her to stay and skip her two o' clock.

Except Beau's bag was by the door when Yasha closed it, and her hoodie was still over the back of a dining room chair, and basically it didn't look like she'd made it to class today.

Yasha moved deliberately now to alert Beau that she was home, knew that settling in and learning to call this place her own was a process requiring Beau to step back from a lot of survival instincts that didn't translate well to things like surprise returns. When Beau didn't come from the back room, Yasha frowned and started down the hall to check on her. The bedroom door was pushed half closed, and as Yasha approached she could hear the faintest sounds of music carrying from further in.

The light was on in the bathroom and the door shut, and now she could just hear the shifting of water.

Ah.

Yasha smiled. It was still hard for Beau to relax sometimes and accept that the apartment was as much hers as Yasha's now - coming home to find her in the bath was a special thing that warmed Yasha from the inside. The music had to be coming from Beau's phone, and she pulled hers out to send a quick text letting her know she was home before trading her school clothes for the soft pants and sports bra waiting for her where she'd left them this morning.

The music stopped. "Yasha?" Beau's voice was muffled through the door, and she heard water slosh.

"I'm in the bedroom," Yasha called back. "I can go make a snack if you want the room to yourself. Just putting on something a bit more comfy."

She waited, almost able to picture Beau running possibilities through her head in the attempt to ask herself what she wanted instead of assuming she should stay out of Yasha's way. She hoped she hadn't ruined Beau's relaxing moment by coming back early.

"You can come in if you want."

That was not at all what Yasha had been expecting, but she didn't need to think about whether she wanted to take her up on that or no. She opened the door and smiled at the sight of Beau sprawled in the large tub, water mostly still and a thin film of bubbles floating along the top.

Beau's return smile was a little hesitant as Yasha leaned over to kiss her, but her lips were eager and compliant. "You look comfortable," said Yasha as she knelt and folded her arms on the side of the tub to rest her head on them.

Beau had one arm out of the water to presumably check her phone, and Yasha pushed her head encouragingly into her hand when she reached to touch her hair. "I am. You look tired, you okay?"

Yasha nodded. "Wasn't feeling class today, but I had to go." She raised her eyebrows, teasing. "Looks like yours was a little more expendable."

Beau flushed slightly. "I missed a quiz, but I woke up and just…couldn't today."

"You don't have to explain. I'm really glad you were able to stay in and relax." Yasha lifted a hand to take Beau's and hold it lightly. "Did you use the jets?"

Beau nodded, and it was only a little hesitant. "They felt really good." She didn't seek reassurance to be here, but it was all over her face.

"They're awesome," said Yasha. "And I am very much enjoying coming home to find you like this."

The anxiety didn't go away completely, but much of it withdrew behind the slow grin Beau gave her. "Naked?"

"That certainly doesn't hurt, but I was thinking relaxed." Now that Beau had said it, Yasha's eyes did drift to the clearer spot in the center of the tub, where the bubbles ringed and lather frosted part of the water but afforded Yasha a fairly uninhibited view of her abs.

Yasha shifted her free hand to graze the water's surface and smiled when Beau's knees shifted up and wider. Yasha dragged her fingers to where they just touched the bubbles between Beau's breasts and kept her eye on her as she slid down along her skin to scratch lightly at the muscle there.

Beau's eyes were burning now as she looked to Yasha - arousal looked on her like anger if you didn't know her tells, but Yasha did know them and when she cupped Beau's face with that dripping hand and brushed her thumb along her bottom lip, Beau tilted her head forward just enough to take it in her mouth and suck gently.

The heat of her tongue as it laved unhurriedly over Yasha's skin seemed to follow a wire straight to her cunt. What had started as a quiet tease on her part had suddenly become a slightly overwhelming image - Beau's eyes electric in the half-shadow of the light, her hair slicked back and damp, and Yasha's thumb vanishing between those lightly chapped lips to be eagerly received and massaged.

Yasha swallowed, feeling somewhat overcome suddenly. Arousal was strange for her - it never came when called and seemed to lie in wait to jump out at odd times. It looked like today was one of those days.

Beau pushed Yasha's thumb gently from between her teeth and kissed it chastely, an image somewhat ruined by the thin trail of spit that hovered for a moment before dissolving. Yasha must have looked a little lost, because Beau leaned up with a smile to press a reassuring kiss to her lips. "You look exhausted," she said. Yasha couldn't argue, but that rare feeling had begun to stir now and she very much liked the idea of continuing this game they were playing. She kissed Beau again, harder this time, and felt her huff a laugh against her as she let Yasha explore but didn't chase.

"Five minutes," she said when they broke apart. "I gotta get out and dry off and then we can see where we go."

Yasha felt a rush of affection and leaned her cheek briefly into Beau's hand before pushing off the edge of the tub and getting to her feet. "You know where to find me."

She heard the water start to drain as she pulled the door behind her and collapsed on the bed to wait. The blankets were soft on her skin and Yasha's body melted into the mattress in waves as she blinked up at the ceiling. She felt weightless, exhaustion rising like the tide.

Yasha told herself she'd close her eyes just for a moment, that she'd hear Beau come out and be ready to put some more work in before claiming the nap she'd been looking forward to since she'd staggered out the door and into this morning's chill.

She did wake when Beau joined her, but only for as long as it took to register the large blanket draping over her and the warmth of Beau's body as she pulled close against Yasha's side and shushed her gently. Yasha wanted to protest, but she wasn't sure her thoughts were translating to any actual sound. Beau's head rested against her chest, and Yasha slipped again into the comfortable, waiting darkness.

* * *

When she woke properly, the pale light of midmorning had become the pale light of early afternoon and was pushing up weakly against the cracks in the blinds as though it too wanted to crawl into bed. The room was somehow dim and bright with it, quiet but for the sound of Beau's breathing from her place tucked up under Yasha's chin. Beau's arm was thrown over her chest under the blanket and her thigh warm between Yasha's.

Her arm rested on the bed behind her sleeping girlfriend, and she reached slowly to trail her hand along the bare, sleep-hot skin of Beau's hip. She felt the hem of a shirt and slipped under it, chest swelling when Beau began to stir and opened her eyes with a pleased kind of sound.

"Hi again," she mumbled.

"Hey," Yasha replied. "You still look pretty relaxed."

Beau hummed and pulled her arm in enough to toy idly with one of Yasha's nipples through her sports bra. "And you look more awake."

She clearly remembered where they had been headed, and Yasha huffed and swept her hand from Beau's hip to just under her ass, teasing. "Sorry about that."

"No no." Beau's hand on her chest paused, and she thought for a moment. "You looked really…cute, I don't know. Open. Made me feel like napping with you could be just as nice."

Yasha turned to press her lips to the top of Beau's head. "I'm really glad you did. Was it?"

"Actually, yeah. Different than sleeping with you at night." She hesitated. "Special?"

Part of Yasha wanted to tease Beau gently about it all, but the overwhelming majority of her was simply glowing with the sense of honor that came from being the place where all of Beau's efforts to explore vulnerability were centered. "Definitely special," she agreed. "Always is, with you."

She couldn't see Beau's blush, but Yasha felt her curl a little tighter against her as her head pressed in slightly. She wiggled her fingers in under Yasha's bra to tug at her nipple directly. "You know, you're not supposed to sleep in these things."

"Oh?"

"Mm-hmm. Couple hours is fine, but we should take it off just to be safe." She adjusted her head to start mouthing at Yasha's other nipple, all damp heat and flicking tongue.

Yasha remembered the feeling of that tongue on her thumb, and suddenly Beau's mouth felt like it was doing significantly more. "Lucky I've got you looking out for me then," she said, and Beau sat up a little to push the blanket down as Yasha shed her bra and tossed it aside.

Beau dove in again immediately, but her focus this time was on soothing the faint pink indention left by a combination of the elastic and Beau's own weight. "See?" She murmured between hot kisses. "Gotta watch out for those marks. Probably best not to wear 'em at all, honestly."

Yasha laughed and put her hand back on Beau's ass with slightly more intent. "Get up here." She lifted and Beau came willingly, dragging her tongue up over Yasha's breast and collarbone and smiling when she tilted her chin to meet Yasha's lips.

Beau was not a patient kisser by any metric, but there was something to the way she seemed content to lie here with no change in heat or the steady pattern of her fingers on Yasha's nipple that suggested something about today was different for her, too.

She spent another few moments drinking in the damp-soap smell of Beau and the slide of her lips before pulling away to just look at her, half-propped as she was to better reach Yasha. The collar of a t-shirt she'd snagged from Yasha's drawer hung open and cavernous off a bare shoulder.

Beau's eyes searched her expression, neutral but curious. "Everything okay?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Yasha reached up and pushed a strand of Beau's undercut in place. "I'm certainly not complaining, but you're usually chomping at the bit by now."

Beau ducked her head a little, smiling. "Guilty." She glanced down. "I dunno, I just. I was thinking today, about the night we met."

Yasha had caught on a long while ago that Beau thought about things and considered them far more than she let on, but she was still surprised to hear her working up to admitting something she would usually call sappy in that deflective way she had. Yasha waited, quietly encouraging.

"I went in that closet with you thinking I'd take over, cuz that's what I've always done, just. Easier to take the other person out of the equation to make sure you both have a good time. But you…" Now she looked back at Yasha, and there was a little shyness there but mostly some kind of conclusion. "You ran the show without making me feel like…I still felt listened to, and that was pretty great. And I kind of realized earlier, in the tub."

A distant thread of anxiety in Yasha pulled just a little tighter as she picked up on the direction of the anecdote, but she set it aside within reach in case it needed real addressing.

Beau lifted a hand to reach for Yasha, traced the side of her eye and down to the corner of her mouth. "I know you said your body doesn't act the way you think it maybe should most of the time, but it kind of seemed like maybe you were feeling it a little in there? I just wanted to say, you know, I'm always happy to have you plow me into the mattress or be all give and no take if you want, but maybe sometime I'd like to try. Slow down how you like. Take my time."

Yasha remembered clearly the girl in the cramped closet with the tough exterior and the infinitely gentle fingers and tongue. What Beau had said about only having to account for the other person rang true for her, even if the role she took also brought her genuine delight. Yasha's body at times felt like a wiring diagram put through the wash - things didn't hook up where they were meant to, her mood and her response were at constant odds, and the things that should arouse usually just felt weird.

But she hadn't forgotten that night either, Beau's clever and gentle tongue and the way that those hangups, at least for that night, had resolved themselves into rough enough shape that she was able both to accept Beau's offer and see it through.

"It's not something that comes naturally to you," she said to Beau now. "I don't want to ask you to put the time in when I don't even know if it'll work. I really am just happy to be here and touch you and take naps together. I don't feel like…I'm missing anything."

That thread of anxiety was thrumming a little louder, but there was not yet any real indicator that they were heading into inadequacy territory and she let it lie.

"Yeah," Beau said. "I listened to what you said and I didn't really get it at first, but I don't have to. I'm not asking for me." She looked earnestly at Yasha. "I'm asking if I was right, that today you were maybe feeling up to being touched, and. If you, are…I'd like to. I'll stop whenever you want. It makes sense now, that I could just lie here and touch you and you'd like that even if you didn't come. Like a good nap."

The thread of anxiety vanished cartoon-style, seeming to leave a negative of itself behind. "You're sure?" Yasha asked. "I don't want to ruin today with that feeling that you have to reach a certain point."

Beau leaned up and kissed Yasha on the underside of her jaw, not even aiming for her lips. A kiss just because. "I'm sure. It's about what you want." She kissed her again, this time on the cheek. "I'm glad you told me, and I'm sorry for trying to solve something that's not a problem for you, before."

It wasn't that Yasha felt like she might cry, more that there was a kind of absolution coming from Beau's words that flared some old wounds like salt water - it was good and it was healing, and also raw. She wrapped both arms around Beau and pulled her in close. "You don't have to apologize," she murmured.

Beau chuckled. "Yeah I do."

And that was special too, that Beau was offering an apology not because she feared Yasha would get upset with her but because it was important to her that Yasha know how she felt. "Then let's just say there's nothing to forgive and leave it at that?"

Beau burrowed closer. "Yeah."

For a second, Yasha considered just sinking into more of this - holding Beau relaxing in the bed and letting the day come as it would. Get Beau off a few times, break for snacks and hydration, repeat. Glory in the day off they'd snatched from the end of a dreary, cold February and live inside their comfortable little world.

But.

Yasha was also undeniably very turned on. And that was fairly rare, and maybe there was more to release than "hold the vibrator - a little higher…yes." Besides, she loved giving Beau what she wanted, and what she wanted today was, apparently, to make Yasha feel good. However that looked.

Which was kind of exciting.

"Okay," she said.

Beau sat up immediately. "Really?"

She looked eager and maybe a little overexcited, but she also looked like she'd do just about anything for Yasha, and it made her smile. "Really."

Beau's eyes shone, and if it weren't for how delighted she looked to get the chance to work Yasha over, she might have retracted things just so she could lie here on her back and memorize the way Beau's smile lacked any of her usual wry cynicism, the way she was pushed up on her hands like a puppy in Yasha's oversized shirt, the way her hair hung down over one shoulder in a habit she was only just getting into. Yasha could see inside the collar of the shirt all the way to Beau's thighs, and she lifted her hand to slide it under the hem, watching her fingers slide up Beau's abs to trap that brown nipple she could see inside.

Beau's breath caught, but she stayed very still while Yasha simply explored for a moment. This was familiar territory, Yasha pausing simply to admire the way Beau's body looked in a certain light or when the mood between them was just so. Before today, that had been the thing Beau did for her that made her feel the most seen. She'd taken to jokingly calling it a "freeze frame" with open affection for the way Yasha's photographer eye liked to hold moments she couldn't capture. In fact…

"Do you want your camera?" Beau's question came right on cue, and she looked bemused when Yasha's face split into a wide grin. "What?"

"You're perfect," Yasha said, and before Beau could blush and look away she gripped her arms and hauled herself up to kiss her - staccato pecks over her cheeks and her forehead and her jaw until Beau was squirming and laughing, unable to pull her arms away.

Grinning, Yasha let her go and lay back on the bed with a long stretch that was meant to get Beau's attention and didn't fail. Beau was still smiling when she shifted so that her knees straddled Yasha's waist, and then she squinted around at the dim room and said, "hang on a sec."

She swung off Yasha and the bed to kneel and plug in the lights over the headboard, then plucked a hair tie from one of the many shelves and winked at Yasha while she pulled her undercut back. "Need anything else while I'm up?"

She was almost certainly asking about the vibrator, but Yasha had already made up her mind to try this differently and said, letting a little impatience bleed through, "Just you."

There was a little of "Leo" in the smirk she got in return, which was to say a lot of _Beau_ in her element. It was attractive, and so was the little flourish she gave as she whipped the blanket the rest of the way off of Yasha and crawled up to kiss her again, but it also sent a little pinch of nerves through her to not know how to react when the focus was on her.

But Beau took her time just kissing Yasha, and gradually the nerves subsided again. There was no push to perform, just Beau's lips on hers and the way she waited until Yasha's shoulders relaxed completely before licking lightly into Yasha's mouth.

And it felt good, but it was clear after a few minutes of exploring that it wasn't taking Yasha any further down the path of arousal. She pulled back and brought her hands up to rest on Beau's hips. "You look different from this angle," she joked.

Beau scowled at her without heat and brushed the back of her hand over Yasha's nipple. "Excuse you, this was my vantage point for _years_ until you came along."

Yasha didn't get a whole lot out of the feeling of Beau's hand on her nipple, but she very much enjoyed the sweet gasp Beau gave when she dug her nails into her ass and dragged them an inch or so. "So I hear."

"Fuck," Beau managed, caught entirely off-guard and unable, for the moment, to play it cool. "I thought I was supposed to be touching you."

"Were you?" Yasha teased. "Because I'm getting more out of making you squirm."

She watched Beau process this with the expression that half said she was putting new information in place and half devoted itself to broadcasting how very affected she had been by Yasha's simple touch.

" _Guh_ , okay," she said. "Is that a direction you feel like you wanna go? Cuz believe me, I can work with that."

Yasha considered her chest and the feel of Beau's tongue on it, and then she considered the way she'd felt when Beau took her thumb in her mouth and said, decisively, "suck my tits and touch yourself."

Beau blinked rapidly. Yasha's face warmed, but she kept her expression still.

"Uh, yeah - yes, yeah okay." Beau unfroze and scrambled to move. "I didn't know you had that in you, fuck, Yasha."

Yasha watched her settle down her body a little, flushed but faintly pleased. "I couldn't think of a better way to put it, all the other words sounded sillier."

Beau was already leaning forward with her lips just starting to graze Yasha's nipple when she looked up. "If you were wondering, top three hottest things you've ever said, please do feel free to take that route whenever you feel like it."

It was not news to Yasha that Beau might like being told what to do, but she was somewhat startled by the effect her words had. They were objectively ridiculous words, but being able to almost visually clock Beau's arousal ticking up was winding something tight in her.

At first, Beau's lips on her were nothing more or less than warm and damp and vaguely pleasant, and Yasha was content to relax under the feel of her tongue and the light suction. She knew in theory that sometimes things like this might take a while, but after a few minutes it just felt embarrassing for Beau to continue when this clearly wasn't going to work.

Yasha had just made up her mind to ask Beau to swap tactics when she heard something that made her freeze. She'd missed it til now, whether because of the eager wet sounds of Beau's mouth or just because she hadn't known to listen, but now there was the unmistakable slick sound of Beau's fingers on her own cunt.

And that - _oh_. It was like her thumb earlier but twice as much and it felt like maybe some dim connection lit up from Beau to her breast to maybe somewhere headed south.

"Oh that's good," Yasha breathed, and Beau's eyes fluttered closed with a moan that cut straight through her and had her thighs trying to draw closer almost on sheer instinct. "Fuck."

Beau whined softly, the sounds of her slick growing louder and the pressure on Yasha's nipple stuttering as she reacted. So much of Yasha wanted to reach and take over, have Beau responding to her fingers instead, but there was no part of her that could tell Beau to stop what she was doing. Instead, she settled for digging one hand into Beau's undercut and wrapping the fingers of the other around Beau's ribs so that she could press circles into her nipple with her thumb.

Beau locked up beautifully and her mouth slid from Yasha's breast with a quiet whimper as she took several fortifying breaths and said, "Just checking, I thought we were focusing on you here."

"I am having a wonderful time." Yasha's voice was wrecked.

Beau sucked in another breath and nodded shakily. "Am I…allowed to come?"

"Of course." Beau hissed as Yasha pressed her thumb in and tightened the hand in her hair in the same instant. "In fact, I insist."

The squeak Beau made had something of an affirmation in it, and the sloppy way she missed Yasha's nipple entirely on her first half-drunk attempt to start up again had Yasha clenching around nothing. She shifted her thighs wider between Beau's, and those blue eyes flicked to hers as Beau used her tongue to keep drawing little patterns on her skin. Maintaining eye contact, Beau carefully pushed her knee closer so that it rested lightly against the seam of Yasha's pants.

Yasha saw it for the invitation it was and rocked her hips experimentally into the friction suddenly available. It was almost too much, even with the fabric between them, and Yasha's instinct was to jerk away before she recognized that it wasn't too much, that it stopped just short of it even when she ground harder.

Beau gave a grunt as Yasha rocked into her knee, and then the rocky pattern between her suction and her tongue that had already been stuttering fell apart completely as she gasped sweetly into Yasha's breast and bucked her hips against her own hand.

Yasha was spellbound, arousal curling through her whole body and feeling like it might, for the first time, have a chance of connecting the wonder of her mind to the sheer physical sensation of her cunt. Beau stayed still, legs trembling slightly as she panted over Yasha's damp breast.

She placed a chaste kiss on the hard nub of it and withdrew her fingers from her cunt to wipe them on the hem of the shirt before sitting back and take Yasha in. "So," she breathed. "How are you doing?"

Yasha ignored the playful affectation of roguish charm and reached for the hand Beau had perfunctorily cleaned, drawing it forward until she could take two of her cool, shiny fingers in her mouth. Beau's lips parted, but no words made it out - only tiny ragged noises that caught in the back of her throat as Yasha sucked those fingers and licked them clean.

"Fuck, Yasha," Beau whispered, and Yasha bit gently to watch her breathing stop.

"I think," Yasha said when she had returned Beau's hand, "that you getting wrecked is the key factor in all of this."

Beau nodded absently, still flexing her hand and looking slightly dazed. "Yeah that uh. That tracks with literally every time we've had sex, but. Do you want me to keep going?"

Yasha nodded. "Yes. I think so."

Beau's fingers were steadier now as they rested on the waistband of Yasha's pajama pants. "Do you want these to stay on?"

Yasha didn't mind being naked, and she certainly knew Beau liked it, but it felt like asking too much of herself - like the exposure might make everything harder. Best to follow that instinct. "It kind of feels like…whatever's going to happen is going to happen whether they're there or not," she said. "So yes. They can stay."

Beau swore softly, not in disappointment. "You might come in your pants. Yeah. Cool. Totally fine." She ran a hand through her hair and looked helplessly at Yasha. "Do you have any idea -" The last half of that thought turned into something of a gasp and a whine as Yasha moved her thigh up, almost nonchalant, to press between Beau's legs. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…" Beau chanted under her breath, and Yasha smiled.

"I have every idea."

There was something uniquely wonderful about rendering Beau so completely without words, and it only got more satisfying the more they got to know each other. Recalcitrant and surly on first non-sexual meeting, it had become abundantly clear that Beau lacked for neither intelligence nor willingness to speak. The first time they had stumbled across a topic Beau was interested in while doing a photo shoot, she had babbled for ten solid minutes before her defenses kicked back in and cut her off with a grumbled "you didn't ask for any of that."

She hadn't known it was an option then, and Yasha had devoted a not-insignificant number of interactions to trying to get Beau to open up like that again.

It came so much more easily these days - topics of interest, yes, but even casual things like homework or conversations from class. Beau liked to talk and Yasha loved to listen.

But right now, she loved shutting her up even more.

Yasha wasn't certain how long her arousal would hang around - frankly, she was surprised it was still there after the nap - but she didn't need to be senselessly turned on to enjoy the way Beau simply gave in to her. Gave herself up, fell and trusted Yasha to catch her. How could she put into words that she was just as happy to come home and find Beau relaxing in her tub as she was to take her apart under her fingers?

It didn't matter today, and Yasha sat up and made a motion for Beau to let her grasp her shirt and pull it over her head in one smooth move. And that was nice too, having Beau naked with Yasha still in her pants. Beau evidently agreed; she was grinding slightly on Yasha's thigh in a way she either thought was discreet or was beyond caring.

"Again?" Yasha teased. "It's been two minutes."

It wasn't a real question, but then the strangled sound Beau made wasn't a real answer either. Balance.

Beau's knee shifted as she leaned forward again to brace herself, and it was Yasha's turn to gasp at the shock of the feeling. Beau sat up quickly, which had the effect of rocking into her again, and it was just this side of painful and made her thoughts short.

"Sorry," Beau said frantically. "I wasn't - shit. You okay?"

"I'm good," Yasha managed. "It's just a lot. And it doesn't feel…I know watching you is what makes it so strong, but the feeling itself. Ugh." Yasha put her hands over her face, dragged them down.

"Hey," Beau said. "You don't have to explain. You said it's hard and right now probably isn't great…words time for either of us."

Yasha nodded and let her hands drop. "Yeah. It just feels like a completely separate thing that _happens_ to me instead of being part of the process." Yasha had closed her eyes at some point, and she opened them when she felt Beau shift - more carefully this time - to lean over her and kiss her. She was still half dazed from coming and it wasn't as gentle a kiss as she'd started with, but it was the softest she could manage and that wasn't lost on Yasha for a second.

She put her hands against Beau's shoulders and sat them both up before shuffling back until she was almost sitting against the headboard and patting her thigh. She shook off her thoughts and focused as Beau scrambled up immediately and met Yasha in another kiss, and Yasha lifted her leg to press against Beau to murmur "grind for me" into her mouth.

Beau's breath shuddered against her lips with a high-pitched whine, and she closed her eyes as she shifted her weight to find a good angle against the muscle of Yasha's thigh and started a low, dirty roll.

Yasha could feel a kind of pulsing in her cunt now, like the diffuse sense of _yes_ inside of her was finding somewhere to settle at last. She kept kissing Beau and slid a hand tentatively under her waistband to touch herself. She felt the wetness she had expected - never as much as Beau, who could somehow literally _drip_ \- but she knew immediately upon dragging her slick up to cover her clit that something was just a little different.

Usually it seemed to Yasha that whatever was going on inside the rest of her body and whatever she could draw from her cunt were unrelated. Mostly getting off felt like waking up a part of her that had little to do with what was happening, like she was creating a new problem to solve instead of being able to reach the sensation she was already feeling.

But now, Yasha slid her finger up and down her folds and found that for the first time, she could see the disconnect - and moreover, how she might be able to nudge it back together.

She made a muffled noise that Beau swallowed and moved her mouth over Beau's jaw and slowly down her throat. Without the obstruction of Yasha's mouth, Beau made lovely little gasps and moans as Yasha pulled her hair with her free hand to expose the swath of unblemished skin to her flashes of teeth.

She nipped a little harder than she meant to, there at the base of Beau's throat, and the sound it drew forth lit Yasha up from the inside. She was always so careful with Beau, the soft to her edges, and so the first exploratory bite she landed on that taut shoulder was intentional but tentative.

"Fuck!" Beau threw her head back, startling Yasha, and when those eyes met hers they seemed almost luminous - like blue embers flared behind them. "Please do that again immediately."

Her voice was a wreck, and that plus the way her hips began to grind more desperately encouraged Yasha more than anything to lean forward and bite with real intent, to create a mark that would stay there the next day.

Beau's cry almost seemed more animal than human, and Yasha realized dimly that her own fingers on her clit had slipped into a certain angle without her thinking about it. She didn't know if it was the right one or if there could be considered a right one, but she felt something build as she watched Beau's body contort to react to the ache Yasha knew she must be feeling without stopping the motion of her clit against Yasha's thigh.

Finally Beau stopped, thighs trembling and breathing hard, and as Yasha watched the amber lights rimming the headboard glint and skip over the light sweat dotting Beau's skin, as she drank in the teeth marks she had left on Beau's shoulder and thought of the lovely marks they would leave tomorrow…it was the image of Beau in a loose t-shirt, making a snack or reading a book with that ring of bruises poking from the collar, that released something in Yasha.

It wasn't earth-shattering. Her vision didn't white like the vibrator forced out of her. It just felt like a conclusion. A culmination, a kind of concentrated release. It felt like relaxing muscles that she hadn't quite felt tense up, a feeling that rolled through her as slow and sweet as the affection that swelled in her chest when sitting with Beau and reading on the couch or any other of the hundreds of little moments they spent doing little mundane things together. It was nothing, objectively. But it felt good, and she was able to share it with Beau, and that was everything.

There was a look on Beau's face when Yasha opened her eyes that had her feeling almost bashful to be at the center of. The lights around the headboard were in her eyes now, shining over an awed smile. Yasha reached up a hand to touch Beau's brow and realized with a slow surge of an ache that she was seeing a much grander view than usual of Beau's entire experience of happiness.

That soft expression was one she had only witnessed a couple of times before, an treasured glimpse of something Yasha thought she maybe wanted to spend the rest of her life finding reasons to pull from Beau - like pearls from the deep, only more precious.

Beau didn't ask her anything, for once set aside her need to quantify and know and understand and just kissed her. Yasha kissed back with delight, smiling at the muffled grunt of surprise Beau made when she grabbed her around the waist and tossed her into a sprawl on her back. Yasha took her time crawling up over her and leaned down to kiss the two rings of teeth marks that she knew had to be burning with different levels of intensity over Beau's shoulder.

Beau inhaled softly and lifted a hand to trail down Yasha's ribs. "Can we talk about that?" She whispered. "Doesn't have to be now. It's nothing bad."

There was something tremulous in her voice that Yasha couldn't place, and she sat up to look her over in concern. "Of course. Now is fine - was it too much?"

A lazy, reassuring grin spread over Beau. "Probably. But it was also maybe the hottest thing I've ever felt."

This felt like uneven ground, and Yasha sat back on Beau's hips to trace a finger over her hard planes of her muscles while she searched for the right words. She knew Beau had a spotty history with pain and coping mechanisms - perhaps she should have thought it through a little more before biting her so hard. That was part of the reason she didn't miss arousal. It tended to cloud her judgment. "You said once that you looked for people who would hurt you, before," she said quietly. "When things were a lot. You weren't used to softness, and I like giving it to you."

Beau nodded earnestly, one hand drifting to rest beneath her head and the other seeking Yasha's to intertwine. She made such a picture like this, skin bronzed in the warm strand of lights and her hair coming loose from its tie, and if it weren't for the gravity of the conversation they found themselves having in the wake of things, Yasha might let herself drown in it a little.

"I had no idea what I was missing before. The…sex as a conversation, I guess." Beau's cheeks colored the faintest bit, but her voice didn't change. "It's amazing. You're amazing. But before, I…hmm." She frowned and looked up at the ceiling, fingers relaxed between Yasha's as she gathered her thoughts. "It was like a controlled risk thing? I did it to get out of my head, and I couldn't do that if it wasn't rough."

Yasha sat quietly, not daring to break the gentle surface tension of Beau talking about her past and how damaged it had left her. Coming home to find her relaxed in the tub had been its own gift, and now with this and the nap and the time they had just spent, Yasha was starting to piece together that Beau might have been doing a lot more thinking recently than she'd guessed.

She squeezed Beau's hand encouragingly and waited.

Beau stayed staring straight up - Yasha knew she would look back at her once the meat of what she needed to say had made its way out. "You've never made me feel like I need to get away," she said slowly. "Yeah it's still weird sometimes, like. I'm still not wired to really know how to deal with all of your affection, but we're not using each other." She took a deep breath. "I dunno. You bit me, and it just reminded me how _safe_ I am with you. It's not the same at all and it...really made sense suddenly. Like what you've been trying to say was in my language?" Now she looked at Yasha. "I hope that came out right, I'm not trying to sound pathetic like I only understand love if it -"

Her words halted, the silence almost audible. It may have been - Yasha's heart was in her ears suddenly and drowning most things out as they stared at each other.

Yasha worked very, very hard to keep from making a face that would embarrass Beau, stayed as neutral as possible in case she wanted to skip neatly over the word or chalk it up to a general term. She had known for a long time that she loved Beau - startlingly early on. She'd also known words were cheap when it came to her and that they could go a lifetime without using a specific term that had lost meaning for Beau a long time ago. Actions mattered. Words were entirely negotiable.

But those wide eyes roved over her face, and Yasha knew she was being read. "I, um." Beau's face wasn't flushing, and she wasn't certain how to take that yet. "I'm right, yeah?"

"Of course."

Beau relaxed, a subtle tension that announced itself only in its exit. They stayed there for a moment, content to let the word settle into the landscape of what they were with no urge to prompt it or to clarify. Dry branches shifted in the sallow breeze outside their window, the leach of color more stark in comparison to the bright tangle of warm brown and amber they made like this in their own light.

"I'm glad it made sense to you," Yasha murmured. "I've been trying to explain it for so long." She tapped her forehead to Beau's. "But I very much enjoyed biting you too."

Beau turned to glimpse as much of the circle of marks as she could, lips curling into a satisfied smile at the ring of bruises not yet formed out towards her shoulder - Yasha's second, harder bite. "Wish it were warmer outside," she remarked. "I'd go strapless."

The smirk Beau added to her words froze in place when she glanced up to catch Yasha trying not to short-circuit at the thought of other people seeing the marks she left on Beau. Of Beau wanting to show them off.

"Oh shit," Beau said softly. "You like that thought a lot."

Yasha said nothing, just leaned down and placed her lips carefully over the pulse beneath Beau's jaw. Beau tilted eagerly to provide better access, and the sweet sound she made as Yasha sucked a dark bloom into her throat threatened to blank her thoughts completely.

Yasha took her time working Beau over, reveling in the whimpered hitches of breath and tiny twitches she made before drifting a parting kiss over her skin and sitting up to admire the view. A diffuse sense of accomplishment gathered in her at the sight of a deeply satisfying and unmistakable stain on Beau's skin, and then her eyes flicked to Beau's face to find her staring up at Yasha with breathless arousal that took that sense of accomplishment and solidified it instantly into a deep surge of possessive affection.

She traced Beau's parted bottom lip and smiled. "Now you have one to show off."

Beau swallowed, blinked herself back to the present with visible effort. "Fuck yeah I do." She sat up suddenly on her elbows - one of Yasha's favorite ways to look at her - and groped exaggeratedly towards the nightstand. "What time is it? I might still be able to -" she broke off giggling as Yasha pushed her weight down with a playful growl and wrestled Beau's arm back close to her body.

"Horndog."

Beau was still grinning, eyes bright with mischief. "You're right, it _will_ look better tomorrow."

Yasha chuckled and lowered herself until she was lying completely on top of Beau, stretched out like a big cat with her head resting on Beau's bitten shoulder. "You can have more marks if you're good."

She'd meant it as a passing tease, but Beau slowly twisted into an awkward angle to look down at her. "You're going to kill me," she said, matter-of-fact. "Death by horny. I can feel it."

Yasha reached up and pushed her face away with a huffed laugh. "If that were possible you'd be dead a hundred times over just since I met you."

Yasha was not pressing hard at all, which meant the strain in Beau's voice was coming from something else. "You keep manhandling me and we'll see who's laughing."

Yasha took her hand away at lifted her head to look curiously at Beau. "You're really serious about…biting and being pushed around and stuff, aren't you?"

Beau grasped the back of Yasha's arm and rubbed her hand up and down the muscle there slowly, soft but sincere. "I really am. But that's not anything I want to rush with you, if that's okay. I really like how you treat me, and I know you like doing it."

She had no idea. "I do," Yasha agreed. "You are precious and you deserve to feel precious." She watched the reflexive blush spread over Beau's face and kissed her softly on the jaw. "But I also very much like giving you what you want, and you were unbearably attractive. The sounds you made…"

Beau groaned a little and squeezed Yasha's arm. "If you start narrating what I did, I really will get going again."

"Do you ever stop going?"

"Not really, but I like slow when it's with you. I just don't want to mess with what we have too quickly."

Yasha tugged Beau's hair free of its tie and ran her fingers through it. "Well, it'll be a while before I feel like I did today, so that's a kind of silver lining? I won't be pushing your buttons like today very often."

"Oh, please don't think I didn't enjoy every second of it," Beau insisted. "I wanna explore that with you, and I would literally right now immediately, but." She looked far away then, and Yasha saw innumerable thoughts and memories flicker behind her eyes. "I don't want to do a damn thing that could make me act like a jerk again. I like…soft."

"I like that you're a bit of a jerk," Yasha reminded her. "But not when it's because you feel like you have to be. I like being your soft option."

Beau nodded with mock gravity. "Consensual jerking."

Yasha huffed and burrowed her nose in Beau's neck to make her squirm. As she breathed in the smell of her, smiled at the giggles and the feel of Beau's skin on hers, it washed over Yasha anew how happy she was, how absolutely amazing her life here had turned out to be. A place of her own, friends, the school, a sense of safety…and tied up in every bit of it, Beau.

Yasha's old life seemed far flung somehow, even only after a year. There had been good things about it, but every day had carried with it the sense of borrowed time. Here, she could relax. She had hours and days to focus on things that made her feel good - chances to grow and catch up what she'd missed out on just trying to survive for so long. Here, she could live.

She leaned up and kissed Beau softly, because she was there and Yasha loved her and she could. Beau slid a hand along her jaw and kissed her back, and there was something about the way she seemed at once more insistent and more relaxed that told Yasha she might be on a similar wavelength. She knew too, what it was to adjust to having good things to rely on after so much turbulence.

"You still have time to make your class if you need to," she told Beau. "But let me know if convincing you to stay is on the table."

"I can think of a lot of things I'd like on the table," Beau said automatically. Yasha rolled her eyes. "Sorry, I had to. It was right there." She stretched, long and luxurious, and looked Yasha over. "Convince me."

Yasha raised an eyebrow. "Chili dogs and Netflix."

"Sold. Sign me the fuck up and gimme a sec to email a guy about a date."

Yasha moved to let her wiggle free from under her and reach for her phone. "I don't think that's how the phrase is used," she remarked absently.

Beau waved a hand without turning around. "Maybe I'm being literal. 'Sorry I can't make it today, my girlfriend is way cooler than economics.' He'd probably understand."

Yasha reached out and pinched Beau's ass lightly. "I know there's a joke waiting to be made, but I never took economics."

Beau grinned at her over her shoulder. "You could say you never had any interest? Never put any stock in it?"

"I take it back," Yasha deadpanned. "Please go to class."

Beau held up her phone, hit the send arrow. "Too late, you're stuck with me."

Yasha picked up the discarded t-shirt and smushed it over Beau's head, thinking back to the theory Beau had explained to her in the attempt to parse it for herself. "Something something horizontal integration."

"That's the spirit!" Beau climbed her way through the right holes of the shirt and hopped off the bed. "But after we eat."

Yasha pulled another soft shirt from her drawer and slipped it on, shaking her head and smiling as she followed Beau's footsteps down the hall to the rest of their stolen day.


End file.
